I think I may have given the wrong impression on that last blog.
I did not leave the church do to its members or due to temptation or out of spite or because anyone was mean to me. I left because for me the fundamental doctrine wasn't adding up. I know many people say, the members are not perfect, but the church/gospel is. I used to say that myself, a lot. Problem is, is that I don’t believe the church is true. I know, ouch! It’s a hard thing to just come right out and say in front of this blog community of church members, but I have to be true to myself. I think it's a common misconception that people leave because they can't uphold the standards. The standards of the church were always attractive to me, even as a young convert. They were good guidelines during a time when I needed direction. I don't agree with some of the principals of the word of wisdom, especially since it's completely acceptable to pick and choose what principals you live by, but other than that, I understand the reasoning behind most all of the Church standards. I don’t believe for one second that Satan tempted me to sin and lead me astray. It seriously makes me feel sick to my stomach that I felt such gut wrenching guilt for so long, over kissing boys with passion or not paying tithing all the time. I was asked if I masturbated by my bishop for God’s sake. There’s just something not right about having a 50 yr old man ask a 17 yr old girl if she masturbates. Does anyone see this? Anywhoo, I digress.
I've actually been writing about my experience converting into the church, then my transition out of it. It's not at all what you might think. I don't bash the church in any way. I'm not spreading false doctrine. I'm not revealing any sacred temple ordinances. In fact, I’ve spent more time defending parts of the Church as a non-member than I ever did as a card carrying Mormon. I think people would be shocked if they knew how many former members still hold the Mormon Church in fairly high regard.
I have toyed around with posting some snippets of my story on this blog, but I don’t want to offend anyone (even though, there’s nothing outright offensive about it.) I just know reading/listening to anyone who left the church, is sort of frowned upon. I do want anyone who reads this (especially you blog stalkers, love you!) to know that I’m still a normal person and that there’s a life outside of the Church; a beautiful, rich, fulfilling, loving and kind life. There’s God too, all around in fact.
I shouldn’t even have to say this, but I hope everyone knows this isn’t meant to be offensive or hurtful. It was my life, it is part of my life and after all, isn’t that what blogs were created for?
7 comments:
I don't think that writing your story is offensive. After all, just like you said, its your life and your experiences. Speaking for myself, I'd be interested to hear what you have to say since I don't know the story! And everyone loves a good story....
:)
What is most important is what you stated in your post--that you need to be true to who you are. I too cant stand the cliche saying that goes around in circles "the church is perfect, but not the members" blah blah blah, rolling my eyes. That just gives people an excuse to continue to act less becoming than they probably should. Just my two cents, but anywho...
I wanted to address another point. I think what your bishop asked you was terribly wrong. Whether you did or not, it really wasnt his business to know in detail what you did or did not do. A simple, "I broke the law of chastity" if you FELT like saying that should have sufficed. You shouldnt have had to tell what you did in detail. Sheesh! What was wrong with that dude! He definitely has no excuse to act that way.
PS. You kissed boys with passion?
Katy I love how honest you are being about this in your blog! Growing up in Mesa I had a lot of close mormon friends and participated in a lot of their events. My mom was and is opposed to many of their teachings and wanted to ensure that I was aware of what they were at an early age so I could decide for myself what to think. I still live in Mesa and still have several mormon and ex-mormon friends. Heck, I married and ex-mormon who has a little girl being raise by her mom in the church. I completely agree with you that the family values and ideals the mormon church, and again I think any church, promote are very valuable. But they seem so fake when people choose to leave the church and then all contact is broken...I could go on forever...maybe I will post in my blog...
Oh I kissed me some boys back in my day Amy... with firey passion. J/K. I even think both my feet left the floor at one time or another. Gotta love teenage hormones!
Blasphemy. Just kidding. Looking forward to reading subsequent posts. Keep em coming!
yeah, I think that saying that you and Erin joke about regarding the feet on the floor completely circumvented my and my little circle of non-class-of-99 friends. I swear I had never heard it before you two were joking about it on blogs. Too funny!
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